Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Fear & Stuff




Fear is a funny thing. It sometimes comes at moments when you least expect it, it sometimes comes at moments when you expect it most. It can sneak up and envelop you or it can tap you on the shoulder and like an annoying child, you can learn to ignore it.

The past weeks fear has become a consistent feeling in my life. If you know me, you know that doesn't make me happy. I don't like things that beat me, I don't like things I understand, and I don't like things that scare me.

As Wendy mentioned a couple of weeks ago we went up to Shasta for snow school and to hike around.

Castle Crags was the hike that we did on Sunday.


It had been raining and snowing the whole entire weekend which made the climb basically up wet rock. It was that day, I came to realize my smallishnotsosmall fear of heights. In a little over a month I will be climbing a mountain that is over 14 thousand feet high. A smallishnotsosmall heights issue is something I should have figured out prior to this, no?

But it's one of those things. You learn to cope, you overcome, you succeed. The view at the top of Castle Crags, so worth it. The view from the top of Shasta, I am sure will evoke the same emotion.

And all in all, there is something to be said about fear of nature, it reminds me how human I am and how awesome things are, even when you can't control them.




And you know what, it was one of those experiences that made me realize how much the team is going to be important in this whole journey. I have determination, Wendy has an amazing light that shines when she's out in the great wide open, Laura has the experience of other Shasta Summits, and Gil has a hand that he's willing to hand me, when I miss a step.


Things that helped, singing Kings of Leon down the hill...

"Im on call to be there,
one and all to be there.
When I fall, to pieces,
lord you know ill be there waiting"

... hot tamales, and keeping my head down, because sometimes that's the way you go.

A

The other recent fear in my life, after running way to many miles, and doing some other silly things, I threw my back-hip-leg out. One week off and it started to feel better, second week and there is still a limp, and I am not quite sure how the packs going to feel.

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